They believe in their essentialness, and are often incredibly arrogant and impervious to shame. With an astounding desire to be admired, little empathy, and a pathological inability to accept blame, they can easily be major obstacles to getting an agreement.
Narcissists infect all aspects of society. They are often easily spotted among politicians and business leaders. By observing their actions or statements, their perspectives quickly become apparent. Simply put: In their minds, everything revolves around them. They think they’re the only ones who can make great things happen.
Narcissists make every effort to project supreme self-confidence. Very often they will describe themselves as hyper-intelligent, very attractive, and amazingly capable. Most believe they are uniquely deserving of preferential treatment.
Narcissists push back against just about every perceived slight, no matter how insignificant. They attack anything that might call into question their lofty perceptions of themselves. Narcissists often believe they’re victims, which justifies their vindictive and ruthless behavior. They tend to be adept at manipulating emotions like guilt, fear, and anxiety. All the while, narcissists can appear amazingly charming and charismatic.
For narcissists, people are like pieces on a chessboard. They move them around to serve their purposes, and anyone but the king can be readily sacrificed.
Professionally, at one time or another, you’re very likely to have to bargain with narcissists—and that’s not always easy. Negotiating with narcissists is often fraught with problems and complications. Narcissists generally don’t bargain in good faith, and lying is a negotiating strategy.
To be effective in negotiating with narcissists, you first have to clearly understand their thinking and perspectives. Critically, you must realize that they are never going to change. They are never going to see things differently.
So how do you proceed? According to Frank Carone, chairman of Oaktree Solutions and co-author of Everyone Wins! How You Can Enhance and Optimize Business Relationships Just Like Ultra-Wealthy Entrepreneurs,
“While you can never disregard your goals and objectives, you have to help them achieve their objectives. One of their most important objectives is to be perceived as powerful, smart, and so forth. Because narcissists are usually, deep down, very insecure and frightened people, you have to be supportive and make them feel important and powerful.”
The more you convey to narcissists that you understand their “greatness,” the more willing you will likely find them to work with you to get a deal done. You still have to be attentive to the specifics of the deal. However, it’s often just as important to pay a lot of attention to narcissists throughout the process. If you don’t, narcissists may not devote enough attention to the terms of the deal, which can lead to misunderstandings.
It’s possible to effectively negotiate with almost anyone, including narcissists. The very best negotiators take into account the self-images of the people on the other side of the table and act accordingly.
When negotiating with narcissists, it’s paramount to recognize their view of themselves and reinforce it repeatedly. Make sure to give them the attention they crave if you want to be successful.
Russ Alan Prince is the executive director of Private Wealth magazine and chief content officer for High-Net-Worth Genius. He consults with family offices, the wealthy, fast-tracking entrepreneurs, and select professionals.
