From clients to suppliers to government agencies to employees, your ability to effectively foster agreements is critical to the success of your company.
There are many ways to approach negotiations. Some negotiators are very aggressive, looking to gain leverage and pound the other side into dust. Some negotiators are deceptive, using tactics such as proposing a deal the other side finds incredibly attractive, while knowing the preferential terms will be ignored. If you are going to negotiate with these parties at some future time, or your reputation as a negotiator matters to you, then these approaches are likely to be counterproductive.
A scenario where all sides achieve what they truly need out of a deal—and also get some of what they want—is usually optimal. This approach gets consistently solid results and has tremendous long-term advantages.
According to Frank Carone, chairman of Oaktree Solutions and co-author of Everyone Wins! How You Can Enhance and Optimize Business Relationships Just Like Ultra-Wealthy Entrepreneurs,
“When I’m involved in negotiations on behalf of my clients, it’s fair to say they always get the best deal possible, and it’s often a lot better than they thought possible. I’m able to get those kinds of results because I’m also very concerned that the counterparty gets as good a deal as possible. My goal is for everyone to walk away from the table feeling really good about the results they got and how the process worked. This all-around success is based in part on my being highly empathetic. I have to understand not only the various potential terms of the deal, but the motivations and thinking of my clients, and just as importantly, the motivations and thought processes of the other side.”
Being empathetic underpins your ability to ascertain what the other side truly needs and wants from a deal. Empathy is both a frame of mind and a skill set. As a cognitive orientation, it's about respect and a willingness to put in the effort to understand. As a skill set, empathy enables you to look behind the curtain and discern what matters most to your counterparty.
During negotiations, for example, probing is an effective way to get the other side to share more of what they think and feel. It includes non-verbal prompts such as nodding and verbal encouragements such as saying “sure” and “I agree.” Also, using clarifying questions such as, “Can you tell me more?” often gets the other side to share information. Summarizing is a review of positions and desires. It ensures everyone is on the same page and can be a wonderful way to move the negotiations forward.
“Keep in mind, never mistake empathy for sympathy or agreement,” says Carone. “When you’re empathetic, you understand the other side very well. That doesn't mean you agree with them. You use the insights you gain from being empathetic to help you craft a deal that gets you the outcomes you need, and will simultaneously get the other side the outcomes they need.”
Being empathetic is not—in and of itself—enough to repeatedly get the type of results expert negotiators like Carone delivers. But it’s a critical component of negotiation. Being empathetic will improve your strategy during a negotiation and help you craft messaging that will best resonate with the other side.
It’s important to recognize that empathy as an orientation and a skill set can be learned. If you’re already being empathic in your negotiations, then you—like the rest of us—can refine your thinking and abilities. If not, you might seriously want to consider the approach outlined here. It has the most promising short- and long-term results.
Russ Alan Prince is the executive director of Private Wealth magazine and chief content officer for High-Net-Worth Genius. He consults with family offices, the wealthy, fast-tracking entrepreneurs, and select professionals.
